Monday, October 30, 2006

TP Attack

Those that have known us, are well aware of Heidi, our little bichon's, fetish with toilet paper and kleenex. In talking with the owners of one of her "cousins", it appears that one unique but not quite savory character flaw got overlooked and was inadvertently bred into this line, which in all other ways seems to have resulted in the perfect dog. What previously was exhibited as an occasional stealing of kleenex from trash cans has turned into viscious attacks on Charmin, and massive theft of mouthfuls of Puffs from kleenex boxes. Yesterday, I found a roll gouged and ripped, such that when unravelled looked like wispy sheets of lace. Partially our fault, I suppose, as we are too lazy to put the rolls onto the spools and generally leave them sitting temptingly out on top, making it relatively easy for crooks to escape with stolen goods. On the other hand though, when we do manage to properly hang the roll, we will hear the gentle rumblings of the spool going round and round in the bathroom, arousing us to action. On other days, we will find a very visible continuous strip of toilet paper coming out of the bathroom, down the hall and ending up under the dining room table, where said crook believes it is safe to indulge.

I often wonder what goes on inside that small head of hers. What prompts her to suddenly get up from her curled laziness on the soft armchair? Does she all of a sudden think, "I believe I need a little something?" or "It's time for a little excitement." "Hmm, haven't had any charmin yet today." And what makes her decide which of the 3 bathrooms she should attack today?

In my hours of jetlagged insomnia last night, my mind ran over many great ideas to thwart this crook. Today, I will wander the aisles of Safeway and look for the perfect sized plastic jar in which to insert my roll of toilet paper. Hanging it on the spool, the toilet paper will come out of a small hole, just large enough for slippage of paper, but too small for a bichon's nose to fit through. Once again, mom will have foiled the dog!


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